Examples of Ineffective vs. Effective Writing (Flashcards 1)

Oct 29, 2016

Study the examples of ineffective writing below. Think of how you can rewrite them in a more effective way. Your sentences may be different from the answers given in the ellipsis. (Click the ellipsis to view the correct answers.)
1. We are no longer able to reconcile; therefore, attorneys will be used to effect the dissolution of our marriage.
  . . .
  Effective way:
  We have hired attorneys to help us with our divorce.
2. The weather had adverse impacts on our boat resulting in the necessity to rescue us from the water.
  . . .
  Effective way:
  Our boat capsized in the storm so we needed rescuing.
3. The leak in the bottom of the boat was due to poor maintenance on the part of the crew.
  . . .
  Effective way:
  The crew did not maintain the boat so the bottom leaked.
4. Our marriage ended in a divorce.
  . . .
  Effective way:
  We divorced.
  We ended our marriage.
5. The boy was struck in the face by the pie as it flew from the girl’s hand.
  . . .
  Effective way:
  The girl threw the pie and it hit the boy’s face.
6. It was not likely that no one would want to claim ownership of the new sports car.
  . . .
  Effective way:
  Someone will most likely want to claim ownership of the new sports car.
7. There are many ideas that are worth exploring by us at this meeting.
  . . .
  Effective way:
  Let’s explore the many worthwhile ideas at this meeting.
8. Martin could not find time to work, shop, and go for walks with the dogs.
  . . .
  Effective way:
  Martin could not find time to work, shop, and walk the dogs.
9. Jordan did not believe that Serena had embarrassed him unintentionally.
  . . .
  Effective way:
  Jordan believed that Serena had embarrassed him intentionally.
10. It is a shame that there are so many holidays that go uncelebrated.
  . . .
  Effective way:
  It is a shame that so many holidays go uncelebrated.
  I wish we celebrated more holidays.
11. While singing in the shower, the bar of soap slipped from her hands.
  . . .
  Effective way:
  The bar of soap slipped from her hands while she sang in the shower.
12. Looking back, the dog was following us.
  . . .
  Effective way:
  When we looked back, we saw the dog following us.
13. Lying on a stretcher, they carried him out.
  . . .
  Effective way:
  He was carried out on a stretcher.
14. Flying out the window, he grabbed the papers.
  . . .
  Effective way:
  He grabbed the papers as they were flying out the window.
15. Stepping off the bus, the shopping center was just ahead.
  . . .
  Effective way:
  As I stepped off the bus, I saw the shopping center just ahead.

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